The Actress
by Lady of Mercy
Summary: The tears gently strolled down the blonde's face as she watched the person that she loved, love someone else. Someone that wasn't her. "You don't see it, but she isn't the one. It's me. It's always been me... Mina x Mako pairing.


**A/n: Another Makoto/Minako pairing from me. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor moon in any way.**

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It hurt too much. Every time Mina had to see Makoto with Rei. No one could have predicted that the brunette and the raven would have become involved in this way. The blonde certainly hadn't. The revelation of the relationship between them had taken everyone by surprise. Under normal circumstances Mina knew that she'd be happy for two of her best friends. She honestly would have if these were normal conditions. However nothing about any of it had been. For quite some time Mina harbored feelings for the tall brunette.

She kept them secret for so long for a variety of reasons. Her reasons circled around her fear of rejection. Also when you have feelings for a close friend you run the risk of damaging said friendship. Mina knew no matter what she didn't want to lose her friend. So she hid them away. She buried them deep down and pretended that they did not exist. The blue-eyed female was certain that no one suspected a thing. Just as no one expected there to be a Makoto and Rei. It truly came out of nowhere or at least Mina believed so.

She found herself trying to think back. She tried to see if she could pinpoint any moment, any sign that she might have missed before. Were there secret looks, stolen moments between the raven and brunette that could have given away the big secret? No there were none that she had seen or thought of. Had the relationship between Makoto and Rei been an unexpected one for them too? What had happened to make them fall for one another? Mina did want to know. Yet also couldn't truly ask the questions, not to either girl. It made the situation harder because they were all good friends.

She could not exactly hate the raven. Granted she was jealous. She was absolutely jealous. But Rei was her friend too. First and foremost they were all friends. They had been friends long before anything else. Still it did nothing to ease her hurt feelings. She hated having to pretend to be happy for them. Deep down, she wasn't excited for hurt seeing the two of them together. Yes, they appeared happy in fact she had never seen either of them this happy before. The raven seemed to light up whenever Makoto was around. Makoto as well smiled when they were together. Of course Mina knew that in a perfect world she'd absolutely be happy for them.

She would be able to really smile and mean it. she would not sit with that brave, fake smile that she had learned to plant on to her face. Mina would be able to give the two of them a real, true smile.

"I wish to be happy for Mako-chan and Rei-chan, but…" she then thought of her own feelings for the green-eyed girl. It was those feelings that kept her from being happy for them.

Then there were times where the blonde played the "_what if"_ game. Would things be different if she simply told Makoto how she felt? Would they be together now? Could she be the one that Makoto looked at with that smile? She didn't know if any of that would be true. For all she knew telling her might not have done anything but make their friendship awkward.

"I hate thinking about what ifs."

Thinking about what might have been wasn't going to change the current situation. It was however difficult to not allow her mind to go there.

"I probably should have just told you anyway Mako. It's not like I've ever been shy about speaking up before."

That was true. The blonde had never really been one to hold back or bite her tongue. Yet for some reason this confessing her true feelings was difficult. She found that she had been unable to do it. She did have several opportunities. There were plenty of times when she and the brunette were alone. There were no prying eyes watching or anything to stop her. The only thing that stopped her was her own fears. Those fears stopped her every single time. Sometimes it only took a look into those bright green orbs and Mina would find that she was speechless.

There were occasions in which the blue-eyed girl did pick up the phone to call Makoto. She thought that maybe it might be easier over the phone. Only she never made it passed the first few numbers. In other cases Mina held the phone but hung up before even dialing.

"I can be a coward." She chuckled lightly. "Who knew?"

She honestly didn't know what to do or how much more she could take. It wasn't as if the blonde would dare tell Makoto the truth now. Why should she potentially blow up such a happy relationship? Telling the truth would most definitely make things awkward. Not simply for both her and Makoto, but for Rei as well. She didn't think it be okay if she said.

"_Oh, hey Rei guess what I'm madly in love with your girlfriend."_

No, saying that would not go over well with the raven. She didn't want to tell Makoto.

"_Oh, listen to me Mako-chan. I've been hiding something big from you for a long time. I, uh, don't know how you'll feel about this but I've been in love with you for a long time. and I wish that you'd break up with Rei for me."_

"No," the blonde shook her head. That certainly wouldn't be okay. She imagined the look of shock on the brunette's face. No, nothing about any of that confession could be considered appropriate. She most likely had to take this secret with her to the grave. But it was hard to see them together. They weren't overbearing with the public displays of affection. There was just some simple hand holding or a kiss on the cheek here and there. There was never anything truly outrageous or stomach-turning, but it still affected the blonde. She especially became affected when she thought about other possible intimate moments that they shared. It wasn't hard to imagine how far they could have possibly gone. She wondered what they did behind closed doors.

It made her sick to think about them going further than kissing. She had no way of knowing how intimate Makoto and Rei had become. She would not ask either of them. For one it wasn't really any of her business. Nor did she want to know anyway, especially if she received an answer she didn't want to hear. It was bad enough to imagine something simple like kissing.

"I kind of don't have anyone to blame but myself."

Yet the question remained. Could she continue to smile and pretend to be happy? Could she sit with the entire group of friends and act like she didn't want them to stop holding hands? Or suddenly stop picturing that it was her with the brunette instead. Doing that was easier said than done. So far though Mina had to admit she kept up appearances very well. As far as she knew no one suspected anything.

"It's not right for me to even think about trying to come between them. They really do look so happy."

The guilt of somehow destroying their relationship would eat her alive. She wouldn't do that. no matter how difficult it got watching them together Mina knew coming between them wasn't an option.

"Maybe if I really work at it I can actually be happy for them."

She however doubted the possibility of that happening. If anything the blonde saw herself continuing to keep up the current act. Perhaps no one would ever become the wiser. The blonde looked into the mirror, giving a bright smile.

'Luckily for you Mina, you're one hell of an actress."


End file.
